Wednesday, October 20, 2010

You can't go home high, no, not tonight

And these are the nights I get high just from breathing, when I speak to my mountain boy, I'm sure it's always been real. Oklahoma called. Of course he did. I had just decided to let go again. But now he's Coast Guard bound in about a month and a half. He says he's quiting his job in about two weeks and going traveling until he has to leave for basic. He promises to come visit either then or when he gets done with basic. We'll see. But he sang to me on the phone, and made me laugh for a good 10 minutes. He said everything right, just like he always does. And I've fallen again... to my demise, I'm sure. That's all I got, but I'm in a quote mood(of course, eh?), so here it goes....

 See you got me all alone, waiting right here by the phone for you to call me, just to hear your voice tone. I keep on wondering if you was even feeling me, I keep on wondering if this was even meant to be. Tell me Ima waste of time, boy. You showing me no sign, is it 'cause you on your grind? 'Cause you're always on my mind

Wounds heal faster if you don't risk constantly re-opening them.

Seriously, why aren't you in my bed right now?

I took a chance, I took a shot. You may think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not.

Seems like everytime you come back home it's just to steal my heart and leave

You said you'd always be there when I needed you, well, I'm screaming your name and where the fuck are you??

I spend my nights dead, face down on the floor, but the drugs aren't really working anymore. The nights are mostly just depressed from staring at my open chest. I'm bleeding and I'm heartless, but I'm your's

And I can't seem to get my head over you, you creep into everything I do. And now I'm dying to know how she touches you

I can still feel you close as skin, every now and then, all by myself, in a crowded room or an empty bed. There's a place in my heart that you've touched that no one gets close to. I can still feel you

We talked about old times and it made me smile, because you didn't forget

At the moment you left, my heart stopped. I can hardly tell if I'm alright.

I tried too hard, wanted too much. I guess that's why you're gone

And as I crawled into bed, I wondered why I wasn't already dead

I miss you. I do. I love you. Everyday I wake up and I have this ache in my chest. And sometimes I just sleep in because I know when I wake up, you're not going to be there

'Cause I'm the crazy bitch that's runnin' the game, 'cause I'm the crazy bitch that's callin your name, 'cause I'm the crazy bitch, I got no shame

I'd rather see you once a year than someone else 7 days a week

Maybe I'll run away, shoots some heroin, and fuck with the stars

Pacing floors and opening doors, hoping you'll walk through and save me, boy, because I'm still crazy over you.

And I say, baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely and I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me, and I thought maybe if you kissed the way you do, maybe you'd feel it too.

It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.

You are my heroin, do you remember how much that shit made your veins itch??

I stopped looking for monsters under my bed, because I realized they were all inside of me

When in doubt, drink.

When I get sad, I stop being sad, and start being awesome instead. True story.

I'm going to spend my life with people who make me happy, not people I have to impress

As soon as you spoke to me, I felt I had known you all my life, and it frightened me. You were the person I was meant to love, from that moment to this, I have never been the same

I can make all the other boys and men blow up my phone, follow me around, or cry; but not you. Are you just different? Or smarter? Or know my tricks? Or.... do you just not care.

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